A Jedis Heart
by CatsLoverRuka
Summary: During the time between leaving the Rakatan Temple and reaching the Star Forge LS FemRevan and Juhani spend some time together. WARNING This contains FEMSLASH, SHOUJO AI, YURI, LESBIANISM whatever you want to call it.


**Authors Notes:** I've been replaying Kotor lately ad when I came looking for some cool fanfiction on one of my favouritepairings I was disappointed to find very, very few of them.

Soooooo, I decided to contribute with a little LS FemRevan/Juhani romance D

So in case you're wondering that means FEMSLASH, SHOUJO-AI, YURI, LESBIANISM, whatever you want to call it :P

So if it offends you in any way or you plain don't like it... Why are you still reading this? XD

Anyway click on the little review button so I can hear your thoughts on this

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic or anything in the Star Wars Universe... except my plushies.

--

I was nervous.

I couldn't suppress it, the feeling of impending doom if we failed or the dread that had settled deep in my gut as we drew closer and closer to the Star Forge.

The last stretch of our journey made me uneasy. Perhaps it was the fact I would soon be back aboard that accursed Dreadnought/Factory, even if I didn't remember what had happened the last time, it was still so imposing, so drenched in the Dark Side it made an unbidden chill crawl up my spine.

I thought back to Bastila. I knew, like Jolee had mentioned, that this was in part my own fault. We were suppose to protect each other, instead my own darkness had gravitated towards her like a gizka to cheese, pulling my friend to the Dark Side.

'It really is my fault.' I closed my eyes but felt no more tired than I had three hours earlier.

There is no emotion; there is peace.

Hmpf. More like there is no rest; there is insomnia.

I had to face I wasn't going to sleep tonight, not that I slept much at all but it would have done me good in getting a good nights rest. I closed my eyes again, spreading my senses throughout the Hawk. I could sense them, hear them even, all my comrades, my friends. T3's sporadic clicking and beeping was a constant in the background, probably tending to the ship as usual, 'Does he ever shut down?'. HK's clicks and the humming of his power source were more subtle, but to my honed senses it sounded like a soft mechanical melody, a duet with the humming of the ships engines. Jolee was silent. If I hadn't been able to sense the gentle flow of the force I would have guessed him unconscious, but the steady breathing, the focus with which he held his pose were the tell tale signs that he was meditating. Mission was breathing gently; a whimper here or there but apart from that she was peaceful. Zalbaar snored in his bunk, deep, full snores almost like wookie laughter echoed throughout the ship. Carth; Carth was in a fitful slumber, dreams of his homeworld and his wife probably haunting him.

I tried to make out Juhani but... couldn't? Frowning I reached out further. She had been unusually quiet since our return from the Rakatan Temple, and that was saying something. It worried me. I had hoped that after our exchange at the top of the Temple she would have opened up. It had been wonderful then; when Juhani had turned to me, so much confusion and uncertainty in her golden eyes, and yet underneath all that so much respect, such tender love. Loosing Bastila to the Dark Side had me dazed and filled with guilt, how could I have let it happen? I had felt so lost. But at that moment, when I looked into those caring eyes I felt so safe. Juhani had confessed her feelings, however confusing and forbidden they may have been, and there was a brief moment of silence in which I had both praised and thanked her for being far more courageous than I had. When I finally said I felt the same I saw the wave of relief spread over Juhani' features.

But that had been it. Once we returned to the Ebon Hawk Juhani had shied away. I had wondered if I should have said something to my friend? Lover? I wondered if it was suppose to be so confusing... I had to admit that during those few hours in between leaving the planet and turning in for the night I had felt the overwhelming needed of someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, just a little bit of comfort, but Juhani had made herself scarce and as much as I wanted to say it was OK, that I could understand the duality of her thoughts, not that I didn't, love _was_ forbidden after all, such a powerful emotion was the turning point for many Jedi, but how could the heart be contradicted? But the distance had hurt. Yes it had hurt, even if they never let it show Jedi have emotions, suppressed as they may be, and I'm not any different. Underneath the confident front, the charming facade, the fearless warrior I am, as much as I hate to admit it, a little insecure. Perhaps that was the reason I felt I had to excel. After all I wasn't the only one to hide parts of herself. Bastila had hid behind her disciplined, indifferent front so that none could see just how much the young Jedi truly suffered and yet if one was to spend some time with her and truly listen to what she had to say you would see that she was a compassionate person. Juhani, well behind the brash and passionate actions the Cathar was gentle and dedicated. We were people after all, capable of hating and loving, even if we snuffed out the emotions.

And at that thought I wondered for a moment how it was even conceivable that I had once been a Sith Lord. Darth Revan. The name sounded so alien when I thought of it, like a bad memory. A _very_ bad memory.

'From tyrannous evildoer to paragon of order in less than a month.' I sighed.

I was so caught up in my reverie that I was startled when I felt a hesitant touch. Turning my head to look at whoever was behind me I was surprised to find Juhani softly pawing my shoulder.

"Hi." I whispered as she turned her head to look me in the eyes. Her piercing gaze searched mine. "Can't sleep?" she lowered her head. I rolled over and sat up to face her, tapping the mattress besides me in the process. She sat, her head still lowered. "Hey," I put my hand under her chin and gently turned her face to look at me "You OK?"

This time she looked me in the eyes again. Hers were full of determination and... tears? She rubbed furiously at them before I had a chance to wipe them away. 'So proud' I smiled. "Whats wrong?"

"Can I stay with you?" Barely a whisper as she looked away again. My smile widened.

"Of course." I simply replied. She looked at me then, so much love in her gaze that I thought myself the happiest person in the galaxy. I took her into my arms and shifted us so we were lying down under the covers. She huddled closer, nuzzling my neck in an affectionate manner. A few moments of soft breathing as I stroked her cheek with my right hand. When I thought she was asleep she whispered again.

"I Don't want to loose you... On the Star Forge, you must be careful, please do not do anything foolish." there was a certain sense o urgency to her tone.

"Right back at you." I looked at her, I could feel her lips curving into a smile. She shifted, one leg over both of mine, and one arm around my waist in a protective way. 'A lovers embrace.' I pulled her in tighter wanting to have her as close as I possibly could. All these emotions, so chaotic, so confusing and yet so perfectly right and inescapable.

"I love you Juhani." It was the first time anyone of us had said it, really said it, with those three precious words. What happened next caught me completely off guard. One moment Juhani was curled up against me, the next the agile Cathar was straddling my hips, pinning my wrists over my head delicately, with just enough strength for me to get the idea I should keep them there. She smiled as she looked at me and I couldn't help but mirror that very smile. She inched her face closer to mine, all her love, her admiration, her devotion on display in those bright eyes of hers, she stopped a mere two or three inches from my lips and her gaze asked, begged for permission. I didn't answer, at least no vocally. I reached up, my lips brushing hers softly, tenderly. She smiled and pressed down harder and very quickly our chaste kiss became a hungry and passionate exploration of each others mouths, her hands wandering down my arms making me gasp into the kiss. And just as quickly as it began it ended. Her smiling face hovering a few inches above mine. She trailed a line of butterfly kisses down my jawline and nuzzled the crook of my neck once again.

"That was cruel." She laughed; such a wonderful sound, it made me smile from ear to ear.

"Sleep. You will need to be well rested for tomorrow."

"And just how do you expect me to sleep after that?" I wondered out loud.

"Think of it this way love, it is something to look forward to after you defeat Malack." I wrapped my arms around her, sighing contently.

In that moment it was just us. And it was enough.


End file.
